Lexit: A Modest Proposal

In case you've been hiding under a rock, you should know that the United Kingdom voted last week to leave the European Union (said leaving is colloquially referred to as Brexit). 17.4 million Britons voted to leave. 16.4 million voted to stay. Now it is on the verge of falling apart. I say, as long as we are breaking up political unions, let's fucking do it. Balls to the wall. London ought to leave England.

Assuming that the Parliament actually petitions the E.U. to leave, Scotland will almost certainly leave the U.K. As the Scottish MP, Angus Robertson informs us, 62% of Scots voted to remain in the E.U. and they don't want to leave. The Scots voted down a referendum to leave Great Britain in 2014, but now they have an economic incentive to leave and rejoin the E.U. As part of the E.U. Scotland can be part of a $14 trillion free trade zone. As part of the a lonely United Kingdom, Scotland would only be part of a $2.6 trillion nation.

Northern Ireland voted to remain in the E.U. by but substantial majority of 57%. Now they will likely leave and rejoin the E.U. as well. There is even talk of Wales leaving the U.K. (even though Wales voted to leave). The United Kingdom will be neither United nor a Kingdom. It will just be sad little England and Wales (maybe) and some small scattered islands. Some of those islands might also leave.

London voted to remain by a hefty 60% to 40% margin. So why should the voters of London be penalized for having been born in London and not in Glasgow? The Scottish voters will get their way. The Scots will choose whether or not to leave the U.K. and rejoin the E.U. Why shouldn't Londoners have the same choice? If the Britons can Brexit, then London can Lexit.

At its heart, the Brexit vote is about direct democracy and self-determination. David Cameron promised to "give the British people a referendum with a very simple in or out choice to stay in the European Union ... or to come out altogether." Why stop there? London should have a choice. I think they should leave and rejoin the E.U. for the same reason that the Scots should. But at least give them a bloody choice.

London is certainly large enough to be its own city state. 8.6 million of England's 53 million people live in London . London has a GDP of approximately $572 billion. London would do better as part of the E.U. than as part of a neutered England.

London is the largest port in England and its financial capital. English importers and exporters finance their business in London and then ship goods through London. London is a transportation hub for the rest of England and provides a cosmopolitan venue in which to conduct business for England as a whole.

Of course, the rest of the English would be horribly harmed by the loss of London. But fuck them. London should enact high tariffs on English goods. It won't hurt Londoners much. They'll be able to buy cheap goods from the E.U. Most importantly, London should enact strict immigration controls. England's economy will certainly go straight into the toilet post Lexit. Londoners can't have filthy Englishmen coming in and undercutting the local wages, begging for handouts of the street. Even worse, some of the English could be terrorists bent on destroying the Londoner's way of life.

The English and the Welsh have shown that they are petty, small-minded, xenophobic fools. London cannot be saddled with such bumpkins. London is better off part of Europe than part of England. Lexit is the clear choice.

Note that some of these financial figures have likely changed due to the financial chaos in the wake of the Brexit vote. They are still more accurate than the Leave campaign's figures.