Saturday, June 25, 2016

Breaking: Britain Changes National Anthem

In a surprising move, Great Britain's House of Lords voted to change the country's National Anthem from God Save the Queen, a traditional hymn celebrating the Crown to Those Damned Blue Collared Tweakers, a hit by the 1990's alternative rock band, Primus, celebrating the rich tapestry of manual laborers who use methamphetamines.

The Crown issued a press release saying:

"Although God Save the Queen has served the empire for centuries, the empire is gone. Those Damned Blue Collared Tweakers better represents the new Britain and its strengths and challenges. Plus Primus is a bitchin' band and Les [Claypool] just shreds that bass."

Les Claypool, bass player and the composer of Britain's new anthem, said:

"Well fuckit. That's cool. I never wrote a national anthem before, but why not? Now we're negotiating with the French on the rights to Wynona's Big Brown Beaver."

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