Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Hubris of The Herd

The US Government has done it again. It has totally fucked all of the responsible taxpayers. And I'm up in the middle of the night writing about it. It won't do any good, but maybe I'll be able to sleep.

You know the first part of the story. Government deregulates banks and other lenders. Government make credit cheap. Banks try to cash in by making as many loans as possible. Wannabe homeowners take advantage of cheap credit to buy homes they can't afford. Homeowners take advantage of cheap credit to refinance usury rated credit cards into whopping big mortgages--bigger than their houses. Banks indulge in an orgy of lending: to homeowners, to businesses, to each other so that they can go on lending. The housing market finally stabilizes and then drops as Fed Chairman lowers interest rates (too late, of course). Homeowners get hit with nasty clauses in variable rate mortgages. Homeowners start to default on credit cards--then house payments. Banks stop lending. Housing market plummets. Banks fail. Investment banks fail. Panic ensues.

Now, to avert a depression (that's right, I said the d word), the Bush administration and Henry Paulson (He developed bitch tits because his testosterone was too high and his body upped the estrogen) have a plan to save the day. The have proposed that the taxpayers--that's right, you and I--pony up Seven Motherfucking Hundred Motherfucking Billion Fucking Dollars. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, each person in the US will have to pay $2,300 to clean up this mess. If all of the people in the world coughed up $100, it still wouldn't be enough.

Perhaps it's better than the alternative. The alternative would be a downward spiral in home prices, massive bank failures, foreclosures on a massive scale, mass homelessness. Layoffs, squatting. Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling. Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes! The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!

That's fine. We should avoid those things. But I say this. Those who are irresponsible should pay. I want a D branded on the head of every banker whose bank needs to be rescued and each homeowner who can't pay his mortgage should be stripped naked and forced to fellate Richard Simmons.

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