Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Lipstick on a Democracy

Let's just list this here for a second. John McCain says he's about change, too. So I guess his whole angle is "Watch out, George Bush. Except for economic policy, healthcare policy, tax policy, education policy, foreign policy, and Karl Rove style politics, we're really going to shake things up in Washington. That's not change. That's just calling the same thing something different. You know, you can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig.

Did Barack Obama mean this literally? Was he trying to insinuate that John McCain was some kind of crossdressing pig? A J. Edgar Hoover for the 21st century? That seems ridiculous. Maybe he meant that McCain's policies were just the disgusting lipstick that your 300 lb. Aunt Selma got on that delicious pork chop that you had been going to eat until she took a big bite out of it. Or maybe he meant that the true way to save this country is to go out into the fields where the cute little pigs are frolicking and put lipstick on them so that they can have the self-confidence to rise up from their slop and make a star in reality TV. Maybe he meant that hardworking software developers should pretty themselves up more before coming to work. Maybe he meant that we can defeat Islamic terrorists by disguising pigs so that they will eat them and feel so ashamed of themselves that they will give up their violent attacks. No. I don't think that he meant any of those things at all. What he really was referring to is the highest truth. This truth has been shared with very few, but I will now share it with you, my loyal, non-existent readers.

I think I can explain how the pigs' lipstick works.
Well, this should be interesting.
Remember that they make lipstick with a very dense policy.
Yeah, OK.
And remember about the campaign standing still and how they really get uptight when you try to move the campaign, right?
Right, yeah.
I think the lipstick in that dense policy is probably what makes the campaign stand still. As soon as the pony's mane starts to get good in the back of any sort of motion, especially of the campaign or gas, begins to make the ends split.
Well don't the splitting ends change the density of the ponies' lipstick so it affects the density of the pigs' lipstick, which makes the campaign move which upsets the pigs?
No, it isn't like that.
Well, how does it work?
Well, what it does is when it strikes any sort of energy field or solid object or even something as ephemeral as the campaign, the first thing it does is begins to inactivate the molecular motion so that it slows down and finally stops. That's why the campaign stops. And also have you ever noticed how the the campaign ads shrink up? That's because the molecules come closer together. The cold policy makes it get so small, this is a really brittle campaign.
And that's why the pigs don't want you to touch it.
See, when the campaign gets that brittle what happens when you try to move it is it disintegrates. And the pigs get uptight 'cause you know they, they worship that campaign. They salute it every day. You know we've got something here.
And, and, and, and that's the basis of all their nationalism. Like if they can't salute the campaign every morning when they get up . . .
Yeah, it's a vicious circle. You got it.

And there. Now you know the true meaning of Barack Obama's pig-lipstick reference with all of the subtexts, supertexts, intexts, outtexts, amphitexts, intratexts, contexts, sanstexts, and smstexts.

No question now what had happened to the face of Sarah Palin. The creatures outside looked from Sarah Palin to man, and from man to Sarah Palin, and from Sarah Palin to man again; but it was impossible to say which was which.

-Except from Political Campaign by George Orwell.

Have you seen the little piggies
Crawling in the dirt
And for all the little piggies
Life is getting worse
Always having dirt to play around in.

Have you seen the bigger piggies
In their starched white shirts
You will find the bigger piggies
Stirring up the dirt
Always have clean shirts to play around in.

In their sties with all their backing
They don't care what goes on around
In their eyes there's something lacking
What they need's a damn good whacking.

Everywhere there's lots of piggies
Living piggy lives
You can see them out for dinner
With their piggy wives
Clutching forks and knives to eat their bacon.

-Piggies by George Harrison

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